2023 Iron Butt Rally: Day 8 - Table for Two
26th June ’23
“We are all travelers in the wilderness of the world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend”
-- Robert Louis Stevenson
When one first considered riding the Iron Butt Rally, it can seem as impossible as summiting Mt Everest, or diving to the Titanic – sure, it’s possible, and people do it all the time, but are you one of those people? If you find yourself progressing in long-distance riding, you inevitably encounter problems - fuel range, hydration, staying alert, keeping muscles limber, shortening the time spent on fuel stops. Each of these problems have a solution, and you start to see the means and methods others have used to arrive at them. Drawing on the collective wisdom of the riders who have pounded out millions of miles of highway before you, it’s easy to make a checklist of sorts - GPS units, aux tanks, custom seats, water jug strapped to the passenger footrest? Check, check, check check. What gear to wear as a base layer, how to organize your equipment, where to carry your credit card to make refueling quicker.. it’s easy to go down the checklist and simply add each advised item to your gear, hoping that some of the magic of previous IBR finishers will rub off on you.
Take, for instance, the #1 recommended alarm clock recommended for long-distance riders who want a cat nap instead of a deep slumber. The Screaming Meanie alarm clock](https://screamingmeanie.com/) advertises itself as
For 20 years, Screaming Meanie has been the most effective travel alarm timer on the market. No other alarm timer can awaken even the deepest sleepers as reliably as Screaming Meanie can. You will be shocked at the volume level of our alarm. 70 dB and 120 dB – 120 dB is equivalent to a chain saw at close range.
It might be the loudest alarm clock available, advised by truckers, travelers, and motorcyclists alike, but on a June morning in Idaho, I slept right through it.
What woke me up was Bill grabbing my foot and shaking me awake. “C’mon Kerri.. let’s go! We gotta get going!” I groggily dragged myself out of the black abyss I had wrapped myself into, and peered at my phone; 2:30am. It had been about 4 hours… plenty of sleep! We quickly loaded up and returned to the bikes, where we realized that in the wind and rain last night, we had parked nose-down on a slopping parking lot, so a little muscle was needed to back the bikes out of the parking spot and be on our way.
This sticker on Bill's bike really struck a note this morning..
The night air had that cool, clean nature that only comes after a huge storm sweeps through. The road was already dry, the air sucking every drop of humidity up, but small puddles in the cracks and crevices still remained. As we roared through the night along I-84 towards Boise, the smell of smoke occasionally drifted into my helmet, and I spotted in the distance the amber-orange glow of a brush fire across the scrub and basalt of the Snake River Plain. The storms had left their mark.
49) IDBO - Idaho Candy Company - Boise, ID - 755 pts
05:35 EDT
Take a photo of the Idaho Candy Company building.
This might be the worst rally photo I’ve ever taken in my life; I’m still a little surprised it was accepted!
| This segment: | 45 miles, 0h35m |
| Total: | 45 miles, 0h35m |
| Time Remaining: | 103h25m |
| Points scored: | 51,253 |
While riding, I ran a few scenarios through the GPS; Google was still claiming the road up to Yellow Pine, ID for the 4,236 point bonus “World’s Best Tater Tots” was closed, so after a quick consult with my not-a-team-teammate Bill, I punched in a counter-clockwise route to sweep up the points in Seattle and northwest Oregon, and off we went.
Boise is just a hair under 500 miles from Seattle, but it’s a route I take multiple times every year, and I have a regular cadence of rest areas and fuel stops that set a comfortable, mindless pace for me on this section. With Bill along for the ride, I tried to see it through fresh eyes, and I tried to tamp down the impulse to play tour guide as the sun rose behind us, casting a golden glow across the Blue Mountains of Oregon, the grasslands of north central Oregon, and the vineyards and hop gardens of central Washington. We scrawled across the map, finally dropping down across the Cascades into the Puget Sound area, skipping north around the edge of the Seattle metro area to the north, to the next bonus located in the satellite city of Everett.
50) WAEV - Table of Diversity - Everett, WA - 2,106 pts
13:16 EDT
Take a photo of the “Table of Diversity” mural.
This mural, on the side of the Everett United Church of Christ, is by the prolific Seattle artist “Henry” (Henry Ward) whose murals and paintings can be spotted all over the region. This mural was painted in honor of Everett’s shelter for homeless families.
| This segment: | 523 miles, 7h41m |
| Total: | 568 miles, 8h16m |
| Time Remaining: | 96h44m |
| Points scored: | 53,359 |
We made a brief stop at a McDonalds next to the bonus for a quite bite and a bio break (and some conversation with the local parking lot residents), as well as making our call-in bonus.
51) CALL3 - Leg 3 Call-In Bonus 1 - 1,000 pts
13:30 EDT
11:00AM and 11:00PM EASTERN DAYLIGHT TIME, June 26, 2023
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx and leave the following information:
(1) Your name
(2) Your rider number
(3) Your location (city/town and state/province)
(4) The last bonus you scored
(5) The next bonus you are heading for
| Points scored: | 54,359 |
Details taken care of, we rolled south into Seattle proper. I waved like a loon at my building as we passed by; someday I’ll stop at home on a rally, just to say I did. Today, however, was not going to be that day, as Bill and I had important business to attend to in downtown Seattle.. like finding parking! The next couple bonus locations were in Pike Place Market, and I tried to remember what day it was, hoping to outsmart the tourists who jam up the streets and parking lots nearby. There’s a Target store next to the market, and their parking garage is free for “customers” for an hour, and relatively secure, so I led us through the maze of one-way and bus-only streets until I found the entrance.
We parked and locked up the bikes, and of course as soon as we were out of the building I realized I’d forgotten my flag on the bike, so had to tromp back down, stinking up the elevator in my unwashed gear. No harm, no foul.. but this wasn’t going to be the quickest of stops, no matter how fast we moved. Back on the street, we ventured into the market to look for the next bonus, one of the many decorated pig statues that abound.
52) WASE2 - Pike Place Market - Seattle, WA - 1,109 pts
14:35 EDT
Take a photo of the southwest face of the building showing “Sanitary Public Market” and the “Pike Place Market” pig on the roof above the sidewalk.
The pig is one of a series done every few years called “Pigs on Parade,” where local companies sponsor local artists to decorate pig statues and locate them around the city. It is a reference to the semi-official mascot of the market, Rachael, a life-size bronze statue of a pig at the entrance of the market, and is in fact an actual “piggy bank” with a slot for donations located on her back. Visitors to the market donate ~$20,000 annually, and the money goes to help support social services for the low- and fixed-income senior housing attached to the market.
| This segment: | 30 miles, 1h19m |
| Total: | 598 miles, 9h35m |
| Time Remaining: | 95h25m |
| Points scored: | 55,468 |
As we left the market, we found time to take a quick selfie.
Team Notateam!
While taking the photo, we noticed.. yes! A Luke’s Lobster! That was one of the Gut Bomb Bingo locations! We returned to the bikes, circled the block, and after negotiating some traffic cones, snapped a quick photo.
53) N5 - Luke’s Lobster - 297 pts
15:02 EDT
Get a receipt from any approved Luke’s Lobster location and take a photo of the same restaurant.
| This segment: | 0 miles, 0h27m |
| Total: | 598 miles, 10h02m |
| Time Remaining: | 94h58m |
| Points scored: | 55,765 |
54) NCOL - 642 pts
Successfully Claim Bonuses N1, N2, N3, N4, and N5.
| Points scored: | 56,407 |
One of us (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) parked with her front tire literally in the gutter, and needed help from her teammate to push the bike backwards up out of the 6” deep rain trough. Such foolishness barely slowed down Team Notateam, and we zipped across the Duwamish River to the White Center neighborhood in southwestern Seattle.
55) WASE - Lee’s Produce - 1,235 pts
15:24 EDT
Take a photo of the produce mural.
I don’t spend hardly any time in this neighborhood, but it was leafy and shady, cooler than downtown, and quite lovely with vibrant shops, markets, and people going about their day in a much less frantic pace than at the market!
| This segment: | 8 miles, 0h22m |
| Total: | 606 miles, 10h24m |
| Time Remaining: | 94h36m |
| Points scored: | 57,000 |
I dilly-dallied a little bit, not wanting to face the next section; traveling through Tacoma, past Joint Base Lewis-McChord, and then into Olympia is always a roll of the dice. Today everything went smoothly for a change, and before we knew it, Bill and I were rolling up next to the fabric arts studio on the campus of Evergreen College.
56) WAOL - The Evergreen State College - Geoduck - Olympia, WA- 1,266 pts
16:52 EDT
Take a photo of the “Salmon Pole Monument” bronze statue at the SW corner of the Seminar building.
The bonus was one of several bronze statues outside the Seminar Building, and we had a little bit of a fumble trying to find which one was our destination, exactly, but we sorted it out before campus police had time to get too upset at us parking in an unmarked-but-everyone-knows-its-only-for-teachers spot.
| This segment: | 65 miles, 1h28m |
| Total: | 671 miles, 11h52m |
| Time Remaining: | 93h08m |
| Points scored: | 58,266 |
Getting back out of Evergreen College, we headed west and south towards Long Beach, WA, a few miles north of the mouth of the Columbia River. We were officially done with traffic for the next several hours, and boy was I glad of it! We were moving at a decent pace for the day, and I hadn’t done this many bonus stops in a single day since the first leg.. I just felt busy and it was doubly-nice to be running around my own area. I had fun zipping along the roads clinging to the shore, a thin ribbon of asphalt with a steep forested headland on one side, and a smelling, muddy tidal flat on the other, a ride I’ve done dozens of times; I knew exactly where the next bonus was, and could’ve done it without any navigation tools whatsoever.
57) WALB - The World’s Largest Frying Pan - Long Beach, WA - 2,155 pts
18:59 EDT
Take a photo of the large frying pan showing “Long Beach Wash” on the handle.
This frying pan might not be the world’s largest anymore, but it certainly was in 1941 when it was forged! It’s on display in the tiny tourist town across from Marsh’s Free Museum, noted for it’s taxidermy and mummies. The frying pan itself is just another touristy thing to see, and is part of the Razor Clam Festival held every year.
| This segment: | 109 miles, 2h07m |
| Total: | 780 miles, 13h59m |
| Time Remaining: | 91h01m |
| Points scored: | 60,421 |
Now we head south on US-101, a scenic and beautiful road, across the Astoria-Megler Bridge, a 4-mile steel truss bridge that soars high into the air as you approach the southern bank and Oregon, the road spiraling down off the span in a great corkscrew that lands you back at ground level. Astoria is the town where they shot The Goonies, Short Circuit, Kindergarten Cop, Free Willy, and a number of other films in the 80s and 90s, and the Oregon Film Museum is a great visit.
Of course, Team Notateam didn’t have time for such sight-seeing opportunities. We were after a different thrill - corn dogs.
58) ORRB - The Original Pronto Pup - Rockaway Beach, OR - 1,312 pts
20:52 EDT
Take a photo of the Pronto Pup building showing the corn dog on the roof.
As a fan of corn dogs, I have to admit that I had no idea that corn dogs were invented right here, on the Oregon coast, in the 1930s. They were closed today, and I still haven’t been by when they’ve been open or when there hasn’t been a line out the door!
| This segment: | 67 miles, 1h53m |
| Total: | 847 miles, 15h52m |
| Time Remaining: | 89h08m |
| Points scored: | 61,733 |
Our next stop was just a few miles further down US-101, and it’s a popular tourist spot for Portland residents escaping to the coast for the weekend.. and it’s where I always stop for a snack!
59) ORTI - Tillamook Creamery - Tillamook, OR - 1,467 pts
21:21 EDT
Take a photo of the Creamery entrance showing the cow face mural over the doors.
Tillamook Cheese is available across the country, and while I’ll always prefer my home state’s chief cheese exporter Cabot Cheese, Tillamook is a close second.
| This segment: | 13 miles, 0h29m |
| Total: | 860 miles, 16h21m |
| Time Remaining: | 88h39m |
| Points scored: | 63,200 |
I dithered for a while at this stop, first with getting a good parking spot in the pothole-and-mud-puddle lot, running in to use the bathroom, then wasting about 7-8 minutes getting the right angle – my brain was getting a bit mushy at this point, and Bill and I were a little antsy at this point, having ridden the majority of a Saddle Sore with each other. We did a quick google search and found our next destination, a Gut Bomb Bingo stop, and set out. I took the lead as I had all day, and I set a rather “spirited” pace winding through the mountains, moving briskly through the Northern Oregon Coastal Range, a mass of wrinkled granite hidden beneath the impossibly thick greenery only a coastal rainforest could provide. One of my favorite roads for sure, another that I’m very familiar with, and soon enough we arrived at the last bonus for Team Notateam.
60) B5 - Burgerville - Hillsboro, OR - 332 pts
22:41 EDT
Get a receipt from any approved Burgerville location and take a photo of the same restaurant with your motorcycle in the photo.
Burgerville is really only found in and around Portland, OR, and despite that always feels like a national chain; it’s never run down, always clean and tasty, with a rotating monthly menu of shakes that feature whatever regional berry or fruit is in season.
| This segment: | 64 miles, 1h20m |
| Total: | 924 miles, 17h41m |
| Time Remaining: | 87h19m |
| Points scored: | 63,532 |
61) BCOL - 625 pts
Successfully Claim Bonuses B1, B2, B3, B4, and B5.
| Points scored: | 64,157 |
We each ordered a meal and sat inside, leisurely enjoying the AC and our burgers. Team Notateam was officially dissolved, even though were heading for the same bonus ahead; I would let Bill leave a few minutes ahead of me, just to make it official. The next stop was in downtown Portland, and I wasn’t really looking forward to being in that part of town at all, so I dragged my feet.. it had been a long day, almost a thousand miles, running on short sleep. I was completely ready to bed down for a little bit longer break tonight… but first, donuts!
63) ORPO - Voodoo Donuts - Portland, OR - 2,235 pts
23:45 EDT
Take a photo of the Voodoo Doughnut - Old Town location SW 3rd Ave and SW Ankeny St, and get a receipt from Voodoo Doughnut for a doughnut at this location.
I’ve lived in the PNW long enough that I remember when this was the only Voodoo Donuts location, back when their opening of a second location on the east side of I-5 was a BIG DEAL… and now they’re a trendy national chain.
One nice thing about national chains, though? Mobile order… and it lets you skip the line! While Bill and another IBR rider got themselves into line, I slipped past them with the receipt for the order I had placed while sitting at Burgerville, saving me a good 10-15 minutes. I handed my small box of 4 donuts to a couple homeless guys sitting on the curb, and got the heck out of Portland!
| This segment: | 12 miles, 1h04m |
| Total: | 936 miles, 18h44m |
| Time Remaining: | 86h15m |
| Points scored: | 66,392 |
I got out of downtown Portland, crossed one of the many bridges that gives it nickname “Bridge City” and worked my way onto I-84 east through the Columbia River Gorge. There was some small bits of rain, but the evening was cooling quickly, and the ever-present wind through the gorge was at my back for a change, and as the sun dropped I was finally heading back east. I was getting a little wobbly, and looking forward to getting my head onto a pillow for a few hours. My next bonus was just south of the river and the city of The Dalles, so I stopped about 15 miles short in Hood River, OR and found a hotel in The Dalles for the night. I knew it was a good idea, for as soon as I stopped the bike and I could feel my legs weakly duck-waddling the bike into a parking spot, I knew I was cooked and it was time to be off the bike. I unloaded my overnight kit, tucked the bike in, got my room key, took a shower, and was out in about 5 minutes. Tomorrow would be more familiar territory, but the only territory I was traversing the rest of the night would be that of the dream realm.
Day 8: 15,894 points -- 1,019 miles
Leg Total: 17,582 points -- 1,900 miles